Gratitude.

There have been several times during my time here that I have just stopped and been completely filled with gratitude. 

Gratitude to the Lord for allowing ME to feel these feelings of love and experience these experiences with HIS children. 

One time was just yesterday.

There is a small boy, about 12 years old, at San Martin. His name is Christian. 

Christian is not a typical 12 year old. 

Christian has severe special needs. 

Christian is anxious, aggressive, non-verbal, cannot walk, or sit up on his own. 

Christian must stay tied at all times because he hurts himself severely. 

Over the last few weeks of my time here, Jenny and I have been going and spending time with these children that are stuck in their beds or rooms. 

We've spent a lot of time with Christian.

He did not respond to us... did not laugh when we tickled, did not smile when we sang, did not cry, nothing. 

He was completely emotion-less.

Last week on our visit, Christian was sitting up in his wheelchair. Still tied and very uncomfortable but a little different than the bed.

Jenny and I sat ourselves sort of behind Christian. 

I noticed a few times that every few seconds, Christian would turn his head, make eye contact with me, and turn back around. 

I thought that was neat that he was recognizing us. 

We took Christian outside in  his chair and walked around with him for a little while. I enjoyed it. Not sure if he did or not. I think he did. :)

Well, yesterday, Christian was back in his bed. I sat with him, patted him, sang to him, told him I loved him, etc. He made his typical "noise". It's the only thing he can do. 

It doesn't mean he's angry, anxious, or anything. It is just a noise so that he can hear himself. 

Well, as we were leaving, I kept telling Christian "te quiero mucho mucho mucho" which means "I love you a lot a lot a lot". 

And right there laying in his bed, he smiled so BIG. 

And so of course, I kept singing it! And he kept smiling! 

It doesn't seem like much from the outside, but I'm telling you, I stopped there and my heart swelled with gratitude. Gratitude that the Lord would allow ME to experience HIS child reacting. 

A child that never reacts. 

A smile.

We take those for granted. 

But yesterday, to me, that smile meant so much. 

It meant that Christian knew and felt God's love for him. 

He reacted to the love that His Father in Heaven has for him. 

He felt it. I know he did.

And what a blessing that I, who fails so many times, could be the one to experience it. 

Thank You, Jesus.