My dear Carlos.

If you have been reading for a while you may remember Carlos. He is a sweet precious boy that I met and immediately fell in love with in El Salvador. 

It was pretty much love at first sight for me. 

If you click here, here, here, or here you can get a pretty good idea of how sick sweet Carlos was last year after we left in July. 

I hated not being there to love on him while he was sick. But God was always with him and always had people there to love on Carlos. Especially Chris, Karmina, and Lorena. I will always be grateful to them.

In October, I got to see Carlos and love on him once again! I was so excited. I think Carlos was, too. :) 

Sadly, last week Carlos went back into the hospital. Complications from his illness and from medication had caused his kidneys to stop working properly. It was hard to get much information on how dire his situation was. I prayed that I would get to see and hold and love him again in just a few weeks. 

Carlos didn't wait for me. 

He passed away Sunday night around 10:30. I am so incredibly sad for myself and the ones who loved Carlos. But I am rejoicing in the fact that he is RUNNING, PLAYING, LAUGHING, TALKING, AND WORSHIPING up in Heaven!

My arms will feel empty when I get to CIPI and he is not there in his crib or chair ready to be held. My heart will hurt when I don't see his one big ear and one small ear. It will sting to not see his crooked little foot and gummy little smile. But all of those things are fixed now. He is in Heaven with his Forever Daddy. 

His earthly family mistreated and neglected him. He will NEVER feel that again. He will never be looked over because of his disability. 

His birth family came to take him back to his hometown to have a funeral for him. Starfish Orphan Ministry purchased a casket for him, flowers for his grave, and the traditional sweet bread that is eaten at funerals. I love how Starfish meets the needs of orphans, even after their souls have gone to Heaven.

Even as I write this it just doesn't seem real. How are we talking about the funeral of our sweet Carlos? How is he not going to be waiting for me when I get to ES in 5 weeks? How are my mom and sister and friends not gonna be able to meet and love the most special little boy? It just didn't seem real. It keeps hitting me over and over that he is gone from Earth. I won't see him next time I go to CIPI. 

I am selfish for myself. I wanted to love on him. I wanted to spend LOTS and LOTS of time with him this summer. I wanted him to feel even more cherished. But, God has that taken care of now. He is adored. He is healthy. I can't imagine the joy he is feeling not being confined to his  earthly body that had failed him. 

Enjoy your new body, Carlos. You have no idea the impact you had on my life. You changed my heart for the better. You opened up a love for orphans that I didn't know I had. You blessed me just by being you. You were perfect in God's eyes. And you were perfect in mine. Now you will forever be perfect. It is going to be hard to be patient until I see you again. You being gone makes me wish for the return of our Savior even more. I will never forget you. Thank you for letting me love you. See you soon, sweet boy.