Friday, April 15, 2011

A Change is Coming

Many of you, that follow me on FaceBook or know me in person probably already know this... but if you remember here , here, and here I posted about things changing in my life. Things getting me ready for missions. Well, all those things have played together and it's time for me to GO!

In June, when I lead a team to El Salvador, I will NOT be coming back with the team.

When am I coming back?! I don't know!


That's a little scary. But, I'm leaving it up to God. He's worked it out for me to go and I'm going. For a while now, it's been so far away that it didn't feel "real". It didn't seem like it would ever get here.

Now, I'm just about 9 weeks away from going. That's SOON.

With the time coming closer, I get more excited. I am thinking more about what my life will be like from day to day. What will it be like to hang out with these precious children without atleast 10 or 15 people more people around? What am I going to do with them?

Sometimes, if I let myself, I think what in the world am I doing going down there? I'm not a missionary! I don't have a degree! I don't have a clue what to do while I'm there! But, then I stop and think.... the Lord does NOT call the equipped, He equips the called! Phew! It's a good thing. He's gonna prepare me. He's gonna teach me what to do. How to do it.

I can't wait to make even deeper relationships with these kids. I can't wait to be a constant friend in their lives! Even if we just hang out, play cards, do hair, play ball, hug each other, or paint fingernails... whatever. I'm just ready to show them that they are worth spending time with! :)

But the other side of this is becoming more of a reality. The closer it gets to being here the more real leaving is becoming.

I'm going, that part I can handle!

But, I'm leaving?! Whoa, that's gonna be tough. 

I'm leaving my family, my job, my church, my friends, my house, my bed, my dog, my vehicle, my Torres kids... and the list continues! 

Wow. I can't think about it too long. I KNOW I am supposed to go! But this leaving part is gonna be tough! I know it's part of it. Picking up my cross and following Him. And I will do it. And there will be days when I don't want to, or when I totally FAIL when I try. But His Grace will be there.

I'm not expecting it to be just GREAT all the time. I know there will be days when I'm so homesick that I could pack up and leave. I know, though, that on those days, the Lord will hold me close. 

And then there's skype, facebook, email, phone calls, too! :) 

It's gonna be worth it.

Following God may no be easy but it will be worth it! The safest place to be is in the center of God's Will. I just hope that I make Him proud! I hope that I do ALL that I can to make the lives of these children and people better. 

Please pray for me. As the school year here is wrapping up and all the children and teachers are wishing the days away until summer, I kinda hesitate. Hugging the kids a little longer, talking to them a little deeper, smiling at them even when I'm angry, telling them that I love them, because I know there's not next year for me to see them.

I know that I will eventually come home. I may just be there a few months and I may be home. Who knows?! I wish I did. Really. It'd be easier to prepare myself if I knew!

Please pray that I will do what God is calling me to do. And that I will hear His Voice clearly. :)

Let the games begin!