Can I just say something??
Sometimes I am just fine with being 23 (almost 24) and not married, dating, or even the potential of a man!! BUT, here lately it has really been bugging me. There are SO many things that I want to do in life. There are SO many things that God is placing on my heart to do in life. There are SO many things that I'm READY to do...
But, no man. No prospects. No ideas. These things I want to do have to wait until I'm married. Well, most of them anyway.
I feel God calling me to adopt. Adopt a child with special needs at that. Do you know how many men that knocks out of the running?? (Not that there are any there anyway!) But you know. That narrows down a lot of men. I want that man who has that desire to adopt a child with special needs. Not just because I have those desires. But that HE has them and looking for the woman who has them as well!
Sometimes, as bad as I hate to think about it, I feel God leading me overseas. Wow... That is scary. But now that makes the list of men EVEN shorter!!! How many men want to live overseas??? I look at men ( I use that term loosely because at my age most "men" are still "guys"!) and wonder "Will you be willing to move overseas one day to serve?". That narrows out a LOT of "men".
I know that this "narrowing" process is necessary! I don't want just any "good ole guy". I want that MAN who will stand up for Christ and go willingly wherever He leads us. But sometimes I am SO ready to find him. Is he around here? Do I already know him? (There are a few I look at and it seems that they could fit but then they may not) Is he looking for me and I'm not being the girl he is looking for?? So many questions... and wonders...
I think some reason that I am so ready to find him is because I am so tired of living at HOME. I LOVE my family. Don't ever wonder about that... but sometimes I am just tired of living with them. I know our relationships will be better when we are not on top of one another in our house. But I know that it is just about impossible to move out on my own until I have another income to help me.
But I don't want to wait to do the things God is calling me to do. I'm ready to go now! (or atleast I think I am!) I know His timing is PERFECT. I am just getting impatient. Sometimes I am just lonely. Lonely for that person to care about my day. Wonder what I'm doing and praying that I am doing well. :) I sound pretty pitiful don't I!? I am not looking for pity. Just wanted to vent a little about it. :) I am not as pitiful as I may sound!! Promise. :) Don't feel sorry for me. Thanks for reading.